Thallious’ Mother

Story by Zachary Zhang (‘24)

| SPRING 2023 ISSUE | PROSE

FLOWING AS ONE WITH THE AXES OF REALITY, behold the Annulex—in a location where every reality, across all the planes of existence, gives way to access the higher dimensions. This location was the embodiment of the convergence of all human thought. At any given moment, any aspect of human experience could manifest in front of me.

And I found my existence edged along the very periphery of a cliff, where the river stream was abridged. It sharply turned downwards, plunging straight into a void of infinite nothingness.

I could see why a barrier was established here a long time ago to stop anyone from moving beyond. This was an atmosphere of the infinite unknown.

Despite my excitement here, the atmosphere contained many voids, and I had heard that you could fall into any of these voids of the past, manifesting as ghosts reanimating themselves before your eyes in this area.

But I questioned that because oh my—the wonderful view! Every universe converged at this point, and I could see into every single one. I could see everything I wanted, and I was tempted to look into the minds of many people there.

My father had strictly forbidden me from going to this place. He said it was too dangerous and terrifying and contained things I was unprepared to handle.

I always did my best to listen to him, and my life had always been in orbit around the statues he laid for me.

This time was different. You see, I had many questions about my past that he refused to answer. I never gave up, but neither did he, and at a certain point, he would react abrasively—out of character for a man who was usually calm and gentle and gave the impression that he had some plan to fix the problem. Yearning for answers, I could not think of anywhere except that which was forbidden.

So, while he was asleep, I crept away from him and home. And here I stand in this forbidden area, in search of my mother.

You see, my mom and I had always been incredibly close. One day, she went on a mission she said was “The Greatest of All.” She promised me that she would come back.

But she never did. And nothing—not my life, not me—has been the same since.

“Thallious…” My heart jumped with surprise and startle. The wind seemed to whisper.

“Who are you?” I spoke out to the air. “Why do you ask for me?”

The voice weaved its way again through the air to my ear like an elegant river.

“Dear…you are finally here,” it whispered.

“Sweetheart, come back to our home…back to me…I miss you very dearly…”

Suddenly, a phantom-like form materialized in the distance.

I began to move closer to it, and as I did, I felt it had a pull of familiarity. Not just that. Family-arity. It was as though I had known her and that she embodied everything I had loved and lost.

Thoughts and fears flowed through my mind as I got closer and closer to her.

Where was I now? Whatever, who cares? I didn’t! I was nowhere…but everywhere at once.

All that mattered now was that there she was...

At this point, I no longer walked with my feet on the ground; I was walking in the clouds with my head.

“We can rebuild it together, my child…You see, your life was a nightmare, and you woke up right here,” said the figure of my mother. “We can rebuild it.”

This, I thought. This was every part of my childhood…I…

I spent the rest of the day there.

I went to the lake.

“Hey, Mom, I looked into this lake, and I thought I saw my own reflection but realized…it was actually you.”

“Mom,” I cried. “Mom!!”

I stepped back in fear—and terrified awe. Awe at just how had I ended up in such a place. How was I, miraculously, replaying the memory of my baby self, nursing at my mother’s breast? Nobody can remember anything from their days as a baby!

Oh, how I wished to reverse time to be back then, to hold back reality from running off that dear cliff! Then the boat of my life would not have crossed the threshold of no escape.

I remember her heartbeat. It was the same one I had known for nine months.

At least in those days when I was a nursing infant, I knew my mother deeply, and I experienced her affection to the utmost. And not so long before then, she had been my very home.

But the more I listened, the more the voice faded into disintegrated static, scratching and clawing my ears like nails against a paper.

“Oh…Mom!!” I cried, “If it means that I have to reverse time, to lose all that I have grown and reduce my body back into infancy, only to know you again, I would stop at nothing to experience your tender love. I want to be reunited with you!”

I cried out for the comfort of my once tiny head upon her hand, laid within the comforts of her bosom like a crib. Oh, how I longed to experience, once more, her motherly love! Her milk, her love-wrought elixir of life. Milk poured out from the deepest depths of her heart. Milk that had been turned from her blood and then transformed into my own carried through my veins and to my heart.

“Haven’t you once granted me life, having bestowed upon me her very blood and being since I was in her womb?” I shouted. “Were we not of the same blood? And of the same soul?” I shouted.

But there was none to hear. Not a thing, not a person. Nothing but an echo that filled the vast chasm and spread in every direction. The ghost of silence screamed throughout my soul.